Lari, lagi.

Benak tersentak, menyadari usia tidak lagi muda. Bayangan para kawan lama mengitarinya. Mereka sudah berlari cepat, berpencar arah menuju pintu masing-masing, meninggalkan warna sendiri yang sebelumnya tidak tampak mata.

Rasanya dia juga bukan hanya berdiri saja. Ia juga melangkah, hanya saja tidak dengan akselerasi yang sama. Ia melangkah, tapi berencana. Ia banyak melangkah, tapi berencana lebih banyak. Akibatnya, ia pun banyak berhenti juga dan besarlah jarak antara mereka.

Seketika ia merasa bodoh karena salah perhitungan. Ternyata ketika di kepala sedang berputar adegan masa depan, kaki ini baru beranjak sekitar satu jengkalan. Kebanyakan membayangkan berakibat tenaga keburu terengah, energi pun sudah mulai habis setengah. Lelah. Padahal, masih ratusan tapak menunggu jauh di sana, tapi masa juga berubah tanpa jeda.

Aduh, harus bagaimana?

Panik merasuk, membuatnya buta. Ia merasa percuma. Ia merasa..... gagal yang nyata.

"Sudah." begitu kata seorang yang menjadi tumpuan keluhnya. "Sabar. Tunggu saja waktunya. Sekarang memang belum saja."

Lelah, baiklah ia pun berhenti sejenak, mengistirahatkan diri meluruskan akal. Perlahan, dibukalah kembali kotak pikiran. Ia coba pisahkan, mana yang mimpi dan mana yang terpercik karena rasa iri.

Sabar. Ia meyakinkan jiwanya yang sempat pudar. Mungkin bukan sekarang saatnya ia berpendar.

Sesaat setelah ini, pasti ia akan berlari. Lagi.

Couldn't Be Any Happier

Terimakasih banyak B8, B9 lama, B9 baru, AXON, dan anak-anak kontrakan pojok, maaf karena ucapan terimakasih saja tidak cukup membalas semuanya, untuk itu saya mohon pertolongan Tuhan buat membalaskan kebaikan kalian.

I'm the luckiest birthday girl today :)

otak dibalik semua tetesan air mata hari ini,hehe. I woof you, Mas

Melani RM,18 years old

I miss the old me

Who don't know that much, so i could do things sincerely without any unnecessary thoughts

Who can smile easily, out of my heart

Who didn't expect to much on people, but put all her hope in God alone

Who saw all she got, rather than what she didn't

Who just follow her heart in doing things, and get more than what she expected

Who can humbly do what she can do

Who has brought me here. As I am right now

@dibandaneira

Semesta bicara tanpa bersuara
Semesta ia kadang buta aksara
Sepi itu indah, percayalah
Membisu itu anugerah

Seperti hadirmu di kala gempa
Jujur dan tanpa bersandiwara
Teduhnya seperti hujan di mimpi
Berdua kita berlari

Semesta bergulir tak kenal arah
Seperti langkah-langkah menuju kaki langit
Seperti genangan akankah bertahan
Atau perlahan menjadi lautan

Seperti hadirmu di kala gempa
Jujur dan tanpa bersandiwara
Teduhnya seperti hujan di mimpi
Berdua kita berlari

the eyes.

People see different colors

*fingers crossed*

Today, I realized something of importance. Although the notion of "growing up" has been embedded within my head, the realization is not as easy as I thought before. Even more, I thought I am a grown up. Well, according to my age, I am supposed to be mature enough. Yet, among all friends, in facing many circumstances, it is very often that I acted like a child; emotional, reactive, careless and worst, brainless.

It is not a surprise that I thought of suicidal most of the times I feel devastated, especially in romance. Stupid? I perhaps am; or maybe definitely am. I won’t deny.

So, this morning, I just feel like my problem is cracking my head. Nobody said composing a thesis would be easy; people would tend to love if there’s any help offered. So do I.

I was very glad that my genius man was just discussing to help me build a great case of research. Unfortunately, it turned out nothing like I had imagined before. I know that he ‘likes’ to be in control, but nothing like this. He wanted me to follow exactly everything he wanted me to do, without any further discussion. Nothing at all.

My concern is more that I want him to believe in me too. I want him to give me some portion of decision-making, so that I can gain a little bit of confidence over what I was about to submit. You know, every thing he said is like a constitution; black at the top of the white, no bargaining whatsoever; do it or die for the punishment.

However, when I was about to tell my friend about the frustration I am going to (like I used to couple of months before), suddenly I hesitated. I knew he wouldn’t like me saying anything bad about him to my friends or relatives (basically anyone), so I stopped abruptly.

Out of nowhere, I began to think of it positively. I tried to change my perspective. I attempted myself to take a look at this as a form of affection, sacrifice, and hope. I should have been very thankful for having a mentor just like him.

I found faith, as one thing that will remove all doubts and negative impositions. Faith is indeed the foundation.

Despite the fact that sometimes I feel deceived, I have doubts in my heart, I can’t stop believing in this special man, without really knowing the reason why.

Maybe, I just want to. Maybe, I just am growing up.