Vision

I often heard people telling you to always follow your vision. If you're facing two paths and don't know where to go, just remember, only follow what brings you closer to your vision.

I do understand that. However, no one has ever taught me how to find our own vision at the first place. Vision is different from a want. It's much bigger than that. It needs an ability to look far outside and deep inside to determine what you really want in your life. 

After all, I believe that human being is created for a specific reason. Each one of us came to this world carrying a duty that only that specific individual can fulfil.

together.we.can

Thank God for the whole arrangement.
It's not all about unyu-unyu and ayang-ayang things, we create dreams and push our limit to get it, together. For me, this is what love should be.
I fall in love with you, every day.

JR

Untukmu

Sekadar ingin kamu tahu,

bahwa semua kekuatan yang pernah saya punya ini

saya bangun bersama konstruksi pikiran paling rasional
yang saya miliki

saya susun berdasarkan fakta dan data yang benar-benar sungguh terjadi

saya lengkapi dengan segala hitungan probabilitas yang paling mungkin kita hadapi

Sekadar ingin kamu mengerti,

bahwa semua kekuatan ini saya pikir
akan menjadi tameng paling hebat

dalam rangka menjaga harga diri

dalam rangka menghilangkan ekspektasi yang terlalu tinggi

dalam rangka tetap menjaga kaki ini menginjak bumi

Tapi sepertinya usaha yang saya buat harus sia-sia

Perlahan tapi pasti, semua kekuatan itu luruh tanpa sisa

Hilang

Bahwa ternyata akhirnya saya sadar

Ini bukan lagi hal yang terukur dalam logika

Bukan lagi masalah harga diri berperang dengan rasa bangga

Dan akhirnya dengan ini saya menyerah

Terima kasih untuk membuka lagi mata saya untuk hal yang mereka bilang:

cinta

Think Again

Kadang, kita terlalu berusaha menjadi sempurna

Berusaha menjadi apa yang diharapkan,

memberi apa yang diinginkan,

menjadi jawaban apa yang diminta

Sayangnya, kita kemudian kecewa ketika kerja keras kita sia-sia

Apa yang kita pikir sudah yang terbaik ternyata belum cukup baik

Dan selalu, tidak akan pernah cukup..

Selalu merasa salah

Selalu merasa kalah

Yah.. pada akhirnya kita akan selalu lelah

Tapi kita nggak bisa menyalahkan siapa-siapa

Karena mata kita bukan mata mereka

Apa yang dilihat tentu saja akan berbeda

Mungkin saja saya melihat biru dan kamu melihat merah

Di sisi lain ada orang yang melihatnya ungu karena ia berada di tengah

Sekarang tergantung darimana kita melihatnya,

apakah itu kekurangan atau keunikan

apakah itu perubahan atau kepalsuan

The Oddity of Me

Honestly, I never know how broken I am till fairly recently. Apparently, I am more than just completely broken. Torn, hurt and full of negativity, I have grown such a bad attitude that annoyed so many people, especially him. Occupied with tons of questions in my mind, I began to develop an idea of what might be the reason I acted like a child that resulted in the title of this posting.

Yes, I found out, I have this oddity inside of me, in which I have numerous contrasting characters residing in my body. I can be very childish, yet mature. I can be very strong, but at the same time very weak. I can feel so pumped and energized while I also feel discouraged. To say I have multiple personality might be too farfetched, although this thesis is somehow going there.

Okay, now I am confused. Perhaps everyone is. I realized previously that I somehow show bipolar disorder syndrome, but I don’t think so anymore. The overlaying background is actually that I am independent in nature. I worked very hard to be where I am now. I experienced a lot of things to be knowledgeable.  But, when it comes to guys, I just lost my rationality. I become very emotional, if I can’t call it irrational. I suddenly become so weak and lame, I dare to sacrifice everything I have to just one person. This has been going on for so long, I suppose.

The strong me, the independent me, swiftly changes into someone she barely knew, a very different person that can be easily persuaded, but most importantly drown into feelings, and feelings only. Not a good sign, though.

What can you say? That’s my weakness. It is similar to what happened to Samson anyway, when he met Delilah. He just couldn’t stand her, in a positive way. He fell for her. That occurred to me too. Whenever I found someone I love badly, I think of nothing but him. Until today, I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.
With the devastation that came along, of course it’s not a good thing. Yet somehow it shows how devoted I am to someone, how sincere, and how deep the love I have for the special man. Oh, I wish he would notice.
So, I don’t even know whether I should stay single or should I be with men, since they are “dangerous” to me. Another confusion.

Honestly, all I ever want was to be understood, to be accepted for who I am. Don’t ever ask me if he did that, though, because I am not certain.

Ayo ratih,semangat dong.

It's easy to see what's other people great at than to see mine..it's just like when it's easy to see other's back, than to see my own back..other people's back look so big,strong,and unreachable.. but the other people think the same too..they see my back is as big and strong..it's harder to see our own back than to see other's..it's the same as we hardly see our own talents,or maybe something we can be proud of..we always see people's back so we always think that he/she is so cool with her/his talent,he can do anything,and he's so great..it's hard to be grateful..but dont worry, every person is blessed with talents and skills.. And maybe our time is not now,but later,maybe tomorrow,next week,and so on,until we can found something we can be proud of..enjoy our life..why spending time just to see other people's back? just try to train your own back,your muscle,and people will see that your back is strong and great..haha

Lari, lagi.

Benak tersentak, menyadari usia tidak lagi muda. Bayangan para kawan lama mengitarinya. Mereka sudah berlari cepat, berpencar arah menuju pintu masing-masing, meninggalkan warna sendiri yang sebelumnya tidak tampak mata.

Rasanya dia juga bukan hanya berdiri saja. Ia juga melangkah, hanya saja tidak dengan akselerasi yang sama. Ia melangkah, tapi berencana. Ia banyak melangkah, tapi berencana lebih banyak. Akibatnya, ia pun banyak berhenti juga dan besarlah jarak antara mereka.

Seketika ia merasa bodoh karena salah perhitungan. Ternyata ketika di kepala sedang berputar adegan masa depan, kaki ini baru beranjak sekitar satu jengkalan. Kebanyakan membayangkan berakibat tenaga keburu terengah, energi pun sudah mulai habis setengah. Lelah. Padahal, masih ratusan tapak menunggu jauh di sana, tapi masa juga berubah tanpa jeda.

Aduh, harus bagaimana?

Panik merasuk, membuatnya buta. Ia merasa percuma. Ia merasa..... gagal yang nyata.

"Sudah." begitu kata seorang yang menjadi tumpuan keluhnya. "Sabar. Tunggu saja waktunya. Sekarang memang belum saja."

Lelah, baiklah ia pun berhenti sejenak, mengistirahatkan diri meluruskan akal. Perlahan, dibukalah kembali kotak pikiran. Ia coba pisahkan, mana yang mimpi dan mana yang terpercik karena rasa iri.

Sabar. Ia meyakinkan jiwanya yang sempat pudar. Mungkin bukan sekarang saatnya ia berpendar.

Sesaat setelah ini, pasti ia akan berlari. Lagi.